Carrying
Date
2021-12
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Description
Author's thesis statement: I have Scoliosis. This means my spine has an ‘S’ curve instead of being straight, and my neck has moderate degeneration due to the reversing of its natural curve. This has been painful both physically and emotionally. It is combined with other disorders such as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Anxiety. Just because the pain is rooted in my neck and back does not mean the pain is exclusive to these areas. No, I feel it everywhere, in all my muscles and joints, all of the time. It is not preventable, nor is it curable. Yoga and proper medical care can maintain it to keep it from worsening, but that’s it. It’s a generally hopeless situation. The figures you see are almost like monsters in my head. They are not starkly terrifying, but they aren’t superficially beautiful either. This mirrors the way I have come to view myself within this diagnosis. The birds are my way of displaying the freedom I long for with my movement. Birds are born with this freedom; I was not. The flowers are a shuffle between red marigolds, petunias, and tansies. Each of these flowers carry a symbolism relating to pain, anger, and suffering. The yarn incorporated into my work is a physical representation of the nerves of the body, which serve as roadways to signal the brain when something hurts. If one area hurts, then something else usually hurts along with it. What you see is a manifestation of my thoughts and feelings regarding my own battle with this condition. My figures are not anatomically correct, but this isn’t about being perfect. It is about being imperfect. I feel trapped by my own skeleton. My muscles have adapted to my condition, which makes it all the more difficult to correct as well as cope with on a daily basis. The feeling I am left with is isolation. For me, Scoliosis is more than just “back pain;” It is my body fighting against my spirit.